I know firsthand how the damage of abuse never real leave the person. It doesn’t just go away because they grow up. You do the best to leave it behind you and yet you never know when the anxiety will creep in to your thoughts.
You go through hours of therapy so that you have the tools cope with the damage caused by living through such horrific experiences. We all want to feel safe, accepted and loved. Children don’t realize that they are being neglected and that neglect is abuse. The sad thing is a lot of adults don’t either. Some children go years of being neglected and then live through years of physical sexual and mental abuse leaving them with the feeling of no worth.
I know therapy helps us cope with many aspects of life it is the path to recovery or what is left of it. Some things are just not talked about. Therapy gives you the means to figure out how to live as an adult that suffered from abuse as a child. It will show you how to take control of the anxiety so that take over your life. The results of a abuse is anxiety we all manifest it differently.
Unless you experience abuse you can’t even imagine what it’s like and why it’s so hard to cope. A sound, a smell, a taste, a photo or a touch can take your mind to a memory of abuse or at lease the emotional melt down you were having at the time of the abuse. There is no way to understand what is happening to you, unless you have some understanding of how all your senses effect your memory.
All of our senses form memories our brain takes in more information in one second thank a computer can process in the same amount of time. That is why when we are being harmed in some way our mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out how to get out of the situation. I is processing everything so fast that we may not even remember what happen. You are just left with an overwhelming amount of fear.
Most people love the smell of barbecue, yet for the child who was being sexually molested during a barbecue maybe taken back to the fear and anxiety of the abuse just by smelling it. A song comes on the radio and all your friends are saying you just want to cry because you were locked in a dark basement or put in a closet after being beaten while the song was playing. You look at family photos and everyone seems to be so happy yet you know the lies behind the smiles. Your husband starts to wrap his arms around your waste and you cringe because you can’t separate a loving act from the feeling of abuse left in your mind.
As an abused child and teenager I can see abuse and want to step in and stop it. The reality is you are just sad because you know that no matter what you do the damage is already done. So you become a voice for the child and do what you can to stop it. Just knowing that therapy helps you do what can to get them started right way.
I can tell you as a child you blame yourself. You wonder what you have done or not done to be treated so badly. I have gone through therapy it helps me through the overwhelming feelings that creep up from time to time. You can only help someone who wants to help themselves. Some people are so caught up with their feelings of being miss treated they don’t want anyone’s help.
Teaching a person to cope is how therapy works. You may not realize how much it helps until one day you are singing along with your friends instead of dropping into the past. There are days you might slip into those emotions that bring on great anxiety from the past abuse. That’s okay for short visit now you know it’s over and he or she can hurt you anymore.
Making the decision to leave the past in the past doesn’t mean you forget the neglect or abuse, it means you’re willing to feel the emotions and let them go. I guess the worst part of the abuse is that it leaves you with a feeling of not being good enough to be loved and not knowing how to except love that is offered you.
Not every person you meet is out to abuse you. Therapy helps us figure it out and gives us the tools to manage those emotions from the past.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in. relies on, and confidently leans on Him. and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I praise Him. The Lord is their Strength, and He is the stronghold of salvation to his anointed.