Any situation that causes me stress or fear is no longer driving me to run away from the way I feel. I found that if I try to avoid or control the situation I am the one that ends up feeling bad. I Have a clear understanding that I am not in control of anything or anyone except myself. Everyone has a different perspective of conflict or crisis.
Living life now I can see others points of view and consider it. Having an open mind is just that. That does not mean I agree with it. I can make up my own mind on how I want to think. Thinking is the easy part. I know the signs of going back to my old ways of thinking. When this happens I have to stop and change the thought. I work hard at this because I want to change my deepest self.
My mental patterns have always been to please and I am driven, if there is a task I want to get it done. I am always trying to do my best. These patterns were tied up in my self-worth for a long time.
I thought if I do something for you, it would be easier for you to accept me. I thought if I got it done myself than I wouldn’t need anyone’s help. There for I was valuable in your eyes.
If you didn’t respond the way I wanted it opened the window to the door which left me feeling empty. Giving me a reason to hang onto abusive thoughts of not being good enough.
No one can beat me up more than my own thoughts and actions. I knew that something had to change. That thing was me. What was I doing to create this? Where is the good in this?
We create the patterns that form our lives. The one thing I didn’t realize was that when there is a negative out come to patterns that we live it is time to change to get the life we want.
Every relationship we have is based on our perceptions and the perceptions of the others in the relationships we have. I had to decide that the problems and the stress were mine and it was time to change.
I knew that my past was part of the way I interacted with others. I was actively changing the way I looked at everything trying to keep a positive and loving life style in every situation I encountered.
I figured out that people treat you the way you let them. If my actions were setting me up to being taken advantage of it is no one’s fault but my own.
Now you would think I would want to change my patterns. Yet these are some of the good things I got from my parents growing up. My work ethic and doing for others are two of the patterns in my life that bring me joy.
I had to change my perspective on every situation. Were these patterns serving me in a loving way as well? What was I getting out of it and was it positive for everyone?
I found as I thought about it and looked at each situation, that the loving possibilities were endless. I stepped back and gave others a chance to come forward. The outcome was very positive.
My need to be accepted was my way of keeping control and negative thoughts against myself. I was pushing people away with not realizing. I realize that we attract situations and people in our lives that mirror what we think and feel.
Now I allow myself to let others do and it’s okay. I don’t drive myself and everyone around me crazy. Getting things done is not such a priority and you can see me letting others take charge.
It is a balance of give and take, each of us have to support each other. We can’t do that if we don’t know how to care, appreciate and love ourselves. It is okay to ask for what you want from the people you are in a relationship with. Remember that is their choice to give. How you act or react to every situation is the up to you.
I ask and keep asking and I receive. I seek and keep seeking and I find. I knock and keep knocking and the door is opened unto me.