Judging a person or showing love is your choice. We all want to be accepted and loved, so why do we judge. It’s so hard not to judge especially the people we say we love. A true act of love is not to judge in a way to manipulate.
Standards are set in the name of love by some people in an attempt to control us. They set themselves as a superior person in the relationship. Judging is a controlling behavior and also a learned behavior. If you grew up in a controlled environment you are more likely going to repeat the behavior, because it is hard wired into their subconscious mind.
In fact holding yourself in a superior position is a controlling behavior. These are people who feel the need to control you and the world around them. Their way as the only way and refuse to seeing others point of view. They show little trust in what you know, need or want. They feel their way is the only way.
People who feel judged will avoid being around you if you are the one acting superior. They feel they will never please you no matter what they say or do. They don’t want to be judged. The people who live under constant judgement are not happy, they live with anxiety, depression and low self- esteem.
Loving acts never come with a judging comments. People of all ages that are treated with love, kindness and respect find it easy to live a life without judging and are open to your opinion.
Those willing to express your flaws in the name of love are the people who are trying to control you. Believing their way is the best way, they will also dangle opportunity, money and power to get what they want. When they fail they will withhold acceptance and love to try to control you. They will never admit they are wrong because they don’t feel they are. Judging everyone accept themselves because they believe they are superior.
All judging is not done in a negative way but I do believe it is used as a means to control a person, a situation or a group of people and what they think. Their are parents who grew up controlled and now are controlling parents others use religion or the law to achieve control. Words are powerful and whether used in a negative or positive phrase it can be used in a judgmental way. To recognize judging phrases here are some examples.
- My dog can do this better than you.
- I taught you better than this.
- I would be careful if I were you, you know who his friends are.
- Is that your angry tone?
- You don’t feel the same way I feel about me as I feel about you.
- He is a success did you see what he drives.
- I know she’s good because she comes from a good family.
- You look great but this one is a better choice.
- All the students from that district are high achievers.
- We will be good if we go to that church.
Judging is not a loving act it is an manipulation to get others to think or act the way you want them to. People use judgement to control relationships or to change your thinking in someway. By closing your mind and only seeing what you want to see is all so closing your heart.
Accepting people at face value and letting them express their thoughts is a loving act. Remember the only things you can control is your own thoughts and your actions you cannot change anyone. Judging people especially in a loving relationship is not a loving act, so if someone doesn’t show you love and kindness it’s best to walk away.