Judging Is Not Loving

Judging a person or showing love is your choice. We all want to be accepted and loved, so why do we judge. It’s so hard not to judge especially the people we say we love. A true act of love is not to judge in a way to manipulate.

Standards are set in the name of love by some people in an attempt to control us. They set themselves as a superior person in the relationship. Judging is a controlling behavior and also a learned behavior. If you grew up in a controlled environment you are more likely going to repeat the behavior, because it is hard wired into their subconscious mind.

In fact holding yourself in a superior position is a controlling behavior. These are people who feel the need to control you and the world around them. Their way as the only way and refuse to seeing others point of view. They show little trust in what you know, need or want. They feel their way is the only way.

People who feel judged will avoid being around you if you are the one acting superior. They feel they will never please you no matter what they say or do. They don’t want to be judged. The people who live under constant judgement are not happy, they live with anxiety, depression and low self- esteem.

Loving acts never come with a judging comments. People of all ages that are treated with love, kindness and respect find it easy to live a life without judging and are open to your opinion.

Those willing to express your flaws in the name of love are the people who are trying to control you. Believing their way is the best way, they will also dangle opportunity, money and power to get what they want. When they fail they will withhold acceptance and love to try to control you. They will never admit they are wrong because they don’t feel they are.  Judging everyone accept themselves because they believe they are superior.

All judging is not done in a negative way but I do believe it is used as a means to control a person, a situation or a group of people and what they think. Their are parents who grew up controlled and now are controlling parents others use religion or the law to achieve control. Words are powerful and whether used in a negative or positive phrase it can be used in a judgmental way. To recognize judging phrases here are some examples.

Judging Phrases

Negative judgement

  1. My dog can do this better than you.
  2. I taught you better than this.
  3. I would be careful if I were you, you know who his friends are.
  4. Is that your angry tone?
  5. You don’t feel the same way I feel about me as I feel about you.

Positive judgement

  1. He is a success did you see what he drives.
  2. I know she’s good because she comes from a good family.
  3. You look great but this one is a better choice.
  4. All the students from that district are high achievers.
  5. We will be good if we go to that church.

Judging is not a loving act it is an manipulation to get others to think or act the way you want them to. People use judgement to control relationships or to change your thinking in someway. By closing your mind and only seeing what you want to see is all so closing your heart.

Accepting people at face value and letting them express their thoughts is a loving act. Remember the only things you can control is your own thoughts and your actions you cannot change anyone. Judging people especially in a loving relationship is not a loving act, so if someone doesn’t show you love and kindness it’s best to walk away.

Kindness is not judging

Judging is not a loving act.






Superior Attitude Serves No One

Superior a word so many of us recognize. It is the thought that you are better than everyone you meet.

Not everyone that has a higher level of education, job title or position feel superior to anyone else. They are willing to humble themselves to be a helping hand and feel that they are no more important than anyone else. These people we want to celebrate.

A superior person thinks only of their position and how can serve their needs, wants or desires. They have no desire to bring you or anyone else up to their level. Holding on to this way of thinking is what has destroyed so many lives and countries.

Their attitude is the best way or so they think. It doesn’t make them superior it makes them closed minded. They seldom entertain any others opinions or ideas. These people will challenge anyone who doesn’t think the way they do.

Listening with an open mind is looking at all side of a situation before you make a decision. Hear every ones point of view and considering doing things differently is a choice. Helping people who need a hand up instead of pushing them down with a superior attitude is a good place to start.

I believe that every person is important and has something to add to society. Every life benefit another in one way or another. I am no better than the farmer that grows my food because without them I may not eat. I am no better than the factory worker who supplies my clothing, my dishes and the cars I drive.

Superior thinking people have the belief that without them the rest of us would not survive. Everything they say or do is to their benefit and it is without compromise. Children are abused physically, sexually and mentally. People of all ages are starved and used as slaves because of superior thinkers. Companies go under, countries fall and people are put to death because someone holds themselves superior over another human bean.

Entertain these thoughts

  • We are just as important as our leaders, teachers, business owners or celebrities.
  • Without us how would they eat, sleep, dress and get anywhere. You are not superior because of wealth, education or job status.
  • Without us working together no one benefits.

I am no better or worse that you. My talents may be different than yours yet if we work together we can all thrive and live in a peaceful work. Look at each other with love, an open mind and your superior attitude will fade away.

Superior photo

Embrace the differences and you will see that we are not superior.


Defining One’s Self Brings Clarity

Defining one’s self brings a clear insight on the path we take in our lives. Some times you have to look back to those defining moments in time so we can understand who we are and where we’re going. I love life and mine is only getting better as I get older.

Children want attention and are a bundle of energy. They live in the moment and trust that they will be taken care of.  I can remember being so carefree until I started school. Never worrying about anything. I thought I would stay young forever and that my mother was so old at 36. I could never get that old I thought. Ha! The funny thing is I had no clue that things would change and school was just the beginning.

School was a harsh reality for me. I was no longer carefree because I was treated differently because we traveled a lot and my father was military. Feeling like I an outsider a lot now looking back my last move was by far the hardest on me. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin as a teen until I had a health class in 1972. The teacher separated the boys and girls to let us know what was going on with our bodies and how we would age. Getting older is a real eye opener for me. I can remember looking at the pictures and thinking there was no way that was going to happen to me.

I started working hard to keep myself physically fit because I wanted to support my body as I got older. I went into sports and watched everything that went into my mouth. Knowing this was a defining time in my life I am still an arrogant teen, no one can tell me anything. I moved through my teenage years deciding that I was going to control my mind, body and destiny, so I set my standards high for both my physical appearance and education. I knew in my heart that my life was going somewhere special.

Defining Stages of life that we all have in common.

  1. Babies                                                                                                                                                                                                   Are so helpless and totally dependent on the people or families around them.
  2. Toddlers                                                                                                                                                                              These fast moving sponges that soak up the world around them and finding that life is not easy when you don’t get everything you want. What a struggle that is.
  3. Early School years                                                                                                                                                                      The defining years because we’re not with our families for a large part of the day. This is where we try on others personalities. Trying to fit into a world outside of our families and find how tough it is to fit in with our peers.
  4. Pubescent years                                                                                                                                                                          That time in life when everything becomes literal no matter what we do it just doesn’t feel right. We find ourselves wanting to be older or younger not ready for the changes taking place or how they effect our lives.
  5. Teens                                                                                                                                                                                                       Just trying to figure it all out and what about the hormonal changes we go through. Our focus is on how awkward we feel and just trying to keep sane with the changes our bodies are going through. Plus we want to be accepted and then there is dating. UGG!
  6. Adolescences                                                                                                                                                                                       A defining age because we want to be treated as we see ourselves. All grown up ready to take on the world and yet we don’t want the responsibility. We are just trying to figure out who we want to be as an adult and how we’re going to get there.
  7. Young Adults                                                                                                                                                                                 We find ourselves working to establish our own space and who we want to share it with. This will show the world that we are defining our lives by the choices we make. We are always reflecting back on our goals and we try to keep our focus on achieving all of them.
  8. Midlife                                                                                                                                                                                                Is when we look back to see how far we have come and if we are settled in our routines. We question what we really want out of life. Some look for a deeper meaning to define who they want to be.
  9. Mature adults                                                                                                                                                                                 Feel as if their lives have come full circle. Their children are grown and they can spend time traveling and getting ready for retirement.
  10. Aged adults                                                                                                                                                                                         The  treasures of a defining life style. They have the wisdom to draw on experience and are willing to share those with you. They are ready for anything and looking forward to the next stage of life to explore.

It’s funny how we change as we get older. I am so glad I am older because my life changed for the better. Secure in who I am and where I going is not one of my problems any more. Please don’t think for one minute I had it easy. I just decided a long time ago that I was not going to let any of the bad thing from my past become a defining part of my future.

Living one day at a time and keeping in the moment because I want the good things that happen to me in my memories as I age. We are our past and our present, it does not matter what we go through it is how we use those experiences to become who we want to be tomorrow. As the only one who can use my defining moments to my advantage.  Our past is just a memory that doesn’t mean we have to live there. By recognizing our defining moments we can see how it helped form our memory and let go of the bad. We want to keep the good and move on. This is by far more rewarding because it prepares us for the next stage of our lives and we reflect on these defining moments in a positive light.

Defining ones life photo

Defining ones life is a blessing.